A comma isn't a period

Hey, guys! Been a rough couple of days. My great aunt passed away suddenly Wednesday morning. A blot clot hit her heart, killing her almost instantaneuosly. I needed the venting space, so here am I. Apologies all around for what will probably be a heavy, but hopefully not too awfully bad, blogging session.
It's hard to lose someone you love, someone you're close to, as it is, much less when it's unexpected. I've kept to myself mostly the last few days. Without my best friend Marla, along with Watson, Bits, and Jenny, I probably wouldn't be sane at this moment in time. I'm one of those people that can't let myself cry until I know everyone around me is okay. I've felt like I needed to keep everything bottled up inside, for my mother's sake. She'd gone completely tacit for the last couple of days, not talking to anyone, mostly just crying, hardly been able to get her to eat. My aunt was a second mother to her, more so after my grandmother passed away about 2 years ago. She finally answered some questions for me tonight. Just little stuff, nothing major, but I've never been so relieved to hear someone tell me they wanted a cup of coffee. I may need to back up for a second.
There's a background story with my mother and I. We're both a lot alike, and yet not alike at all. With the crying thing, my mom always told me that I shouldn't cry. It shows weakness, she said, and that if I was going to do so, I should keep it to myself. So for the last 16 years I've gone on not crying very much for anything, and if I did keeping it to myself. I have a hard time letting people in. I try to be a very open, honest person, but I still keep a certain part of myself guarded. Doesn't everyone? Anyhow, from the time I was small, my mother has said things to me that no parent should ever say to their child. I have to forgive her and move on. That's what you do for family. You forgive it and move on, but any time my mom would hurt me so deeply or tell me she didn't want anything to do with me or wish I'd never been born, my aunt would always be there to pick up the pieces. She and my grandmother. My mother isn't a bad person by any means. She'd give someone the shirt off of her back if they needed it, but I guess she must see something about me, that she doesn't like in herself. Usually that's the case. Wow... already sidetracked... let's see. Anyway, losing my aunt was like losing my grandmother all over again. It's a horrible experience. Losing anyone, and the losses have seemed to be coming left and right lately. Finally, today, everything got to me. The taciturn mother, the loss, the grief, the fact that I couldn't get my hair to do what I wanted it to... yeah, when I get upset about hair control, it's bad. I finally broke down. Couldn't hold it in anymore. I'd been crying off and on for the last two days, sometimes hours at a time, and that's when either Watson would shoot a text message, or Bits or Jenny would shoot me an email. That helped more than they'll probably ever know. But today, I lost it. I cried a good solid 4 hours, till I absolutely cried myself out. I had to get everything out because someone had to not cry for my mom. Being an only child, I felt that was my burden to bear. My dad sang at the funeral service, and I was supposed to play for him, but that didn't happen. I just couldn't.
We sat through a song, and then my cousin, who is a preacher, got up and spoke over his mother. He made it through, and did a better job than the pastor of her church. For those of you that may not know me well, I am religious. I don't argue about it, because it's a pointless subject to fuss about. I love people just the same, whether they're Baptist, Catholic, Mormon, Episcopalian, Jewish or believe nothing at all. I'm not going to stand on a soap box and preach at people, or judge them because it isn't my place. I have my views and they have theirs, and I respect that. I do believe in an afterlife. I believe that our soul goes on after death. That thought was lost to me upon hearing of my aunt's death. The thought that, it's permanent. It is on earth, but my cousin made a comment over his mom today and said that it wasn't a period at the end of her life, it was only a comma. That brought a lot of comfort to me, when I needed it. So, now, if you notice a ton of run on sentences in my blogs or emails, it's because the comma is my new favorite punctuation mark because nothing really ends. For instance this blog, I just can't seem to shut up! LOL! Glad you guys love me enough to deal with me, or at least like me! :o)
I do want to wrap it up though by thanking everyone for the thoughts and prayers sent my way this last few days. You guys mean a lot, and you'll never know how much. If I could give everyone of ya'll a great big southern bear hug I would! If I ever meet ya in person... watch out because I AM a hugger! LOL! But not the creepy kind... just realized how... psychotic that sounded. Light hearted bloggage on Monday! Already know what I'm going to babble at you guys about! Have a great one! Till next time,

Venting...

Hey guys!!!! So... I'm walking to the mailbox today, and I see these two kids sitting on top of the monkey bars on the play ground singing Michael Jackson's "Beat It". Funny stuff. I mean these kids were blasting it out at THE TOP of their lungs. I'm all thinking they're harmonizing pretty decently to be kids, then... one of the boys yells at the other one, "Shut up! You're singing the wrong line!!!" Okay, teensy little freak out right? WRONG!!!! The kid that yelled SMACKS the other one, and knocked him off of the monkey bars. So I, being as I keep kids during the day and have a soft spot for children, walk over to the kid that's been pushed off to check on him. I mean, you would think SOMETHING was wrong if you could hear the thud when said kid hit the ground! Apparently, wrong thing for me to do!!!!! The fallen kid's mom was pulling in the parking lot about the time I approached her son. The boy looked to be around 9ish... maybe. Kids look so much younger now than they did when I was in school! Sidebar... back to the story. The woman has the AUDACITY to come up to me and try to pick a fight with me, wondering if I just randomly walk up to people's kids, and strike up a conversation with them. I'm like... "Uh, he fell off from the top of the monkey bars; I was just checking to make sure he was okay. Happened to be walking by." Do you know what kind of response I get???
"It's not your job to make sure he's okay!!! He's my f****** kid, you GD cripple!!!!" is yelled in my face! Totally uncalled for! And oh! Then... she POKES me in the chest. Sidebar again.... for those of you that don't know me... I walk with a cane. Bad falling accident with my right leg, so needless to say, not the most well balanced person around. I then poured out all the frustration I have had in the last 2 to 3 days with the haters of the world into my quiet yet extremely cold response of, "Well, if you'd been around to watch your damn kid, I'm sure you could've kept him from falling and gettin hurt. Then, we wouldn't be having this issue. But if you choose to keep running with this, I'd be more than happy to show you how adept this cripple is at taking care of herself, and I guarantee you, I'll be the one walking away."
I'm a very laid back person, and it takes A LOT to get me angry, but when you do, I'd suggest moving out of the way and backing off. Lucky for her she did back down, when she saw I wasn't going to cower before her. I kid you not, this chick had a serious attitude problem, and I almost wish she had threw a punch just so I could've kicked every square inch of her but around Georgia, but she didn't, lucky for her. It's been a good 2 years since I've gotten THAT angry, but today it just hit me wrong, or maybe I've just been holding too much stuff in. Not completely sure. If you ever meet me, I'm the most non-violent person you'll ever meet, but I mean seriously, even the peacemakers have their moments.
Sorry for the all over the placeiness of this guys. My later ones will be more put together. You know, when I'm not having a Trista freak moment. Hopefully, this doesn't change your opinion of me, whatever it may be, because that soooo was not the intent. Just venting. Everybody does it.