Loving Life

Hey, guys! Hope everyone out there is doing well! It's about 5:20am my time, and yes I'm still awake. Haven't been able to go to sleep. Today I had a good friend of mine commit an extremely selfish act. I get not one but two emails this morning, one from her mother and one from her sister. Her mother apparently found her sitting in a running vehicle, with the garage door closed, when she came home from working 3rd shift at the hospital she nurses at. It completely blindsided all of us. Alena, the girl that is no longer with us, was always happy. Had a wondeful husband, beautiful baby boy, very loving family and friends, yet she decided to take her light in our lives away too soon. The main question all of us have been asking ourselves was why. The note she left only said she was sorry, that no one had done anything at all to cause her to make the decision, that she just felt it was her time to go because things in this world were just getting too hard. Newsflash! It's hard on everybody. It's not just a select few of people, I promise. God doesn't sit up in Heaven and say, "Hmmm... let's see what I can do to make (insert name here) as miserable as possible." At one point in life or another it falls on everybody. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I promise things don't suck all the time. Usually, the bad crap you go through makes the good so much more precious, and the good is usually completely worth going through the bad. The thing is, it's selfish. Suicide is one of the most selfish act a person can commit. It doesn't give you the chance to try and help the affected individual, it takes it from you. They decide to play God and think you'll just magically be able to go on with life as if they never existed. Well, that's not how it works.
I am so angry with her. A flurry of emotions really. I want to know what was bothering her so badly, I want to shake her, I want to beat the crap out of her because I'm now missing a very good friend that I could talk with about anything. I can't do any of those things now. She not only took away from me, but she also took away her mother's ability to hug her and kiss her, to comfort her, to talk to her. I don't know that I would be able to stand outliving my child. She took away her twin sister's ability to confide in her, to even have a sister. Her husband now has no wife, and her four year old son has no mother. Had she not decided she didn't want to think about all of this stuff, or if even if she had thought about this stuff, I think she'd still be here today. I can't help thinking, if only one of us had known what was going on and were able to reach her or talk with her. There are people on the face of this earth dying everyday that want the chance to live but aren't able to, and then there are people like Alena, who simply live for the chance to die. I don't know what ran through her head, but I can tell you from someone who has been on the other side of a cocked gun or staring down bottles of sleeping pills, nothing is worth taking your own life. Fight for life. Fight until it hurts and then fight for it some more because you never know when it's going to be over.
The last two blogs have been kinda heavy guy. Sorry for that, just needed to get some things off of the chest. I promise no matter what my day is like on Monday, you guys will have a hillarious blog to read. Talk to you then!